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I will NOT read your F!@##$ Script!

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dailytiiz092109

Sometimes we ask things of other people without asking ourselves what our asking means. (a purposely confusing statement for the conundrum we often create)  Confused? While screenwriter Josh Olson wrote crudely on the subject,  it was exactly the right point of view to get point across to those of us who just don’t get it!

Should you really ask? What exactly ARE you asking?

I’ve often consented to doing “favors” for others “gratis”, both within and outside my realm of expertise.  However, me myself, I tend to have a lot of guilt about asking others for their input in my personal and business endeavors.  For whatever reason, when I am asked –I just can’t say “NO.”  There have been very few times when I say, “no” (usually due to previous obligations or my inability to oblige) but more times than I can count where I’ve said, “yes.”  (insert sigh here)

After I’ve agreed and committed myself to undertaking someone else’s task I have taken on a duty.   I place an extreme amount of time and thought into my efforts.  Yet, to no avail. It seems that no one really gets it (it really doesn’t matter who asked).

I will stress about the deadline (even a perceived deadline), have increasing anxiety about the time it was taking me, skipped a few meals in order to make up for that time, passed on another appointment, neglected some of my own work, obligations, duties, chores, or worse…family.  In the end, someone says, “thanks” or “that’s ok, I got soandso to do it” or “I’ll keep that in mind.”  All the hours of built up tension and hesitation at presenting a result less than par because a certain somebody entrusted you with something that may or may not impact their future, comes to an unclimactic poof.  Whatever. Right?  I could NOT agree with Josh Olson more.  I second his emotion and that of other fields that run into the same dilemma.

Excerpt from the Article by Josh olson:

“There’s a great story about Pablo Picasso. Some guy told Picasso he’d pay him to draw a picture on a napkin. Picasso whipped out a pen and banged out a sketch, handed it to the guy, and said, “One million dollars, please.”

“A million dollars?” the guy exclaimed. “That only took you thirty seconds!”

“Yes,” said Picasso. “But it took me fifty years to learn how to draw that in thirty seconds.’ “

I think Josh Olson’s tone in this article is perfectly suited for the encountering audience.  Good job Josh! Way to be a dick!

“So the next time you engage a so-called friend, or friend of a friend or otherwise forcefully demanding “gratis” = FREE services/ consultation from them (doesn’t matter for what) under the usual unoriginal guise of friendship-related contractual obligation–ask yourself what am I truly asking for? Would I do the same for them?  How should I respond after they’ve given this professional gift of their own free will? Finally ask yourself …Are you really that good of a friend?

I just have to say it…..” I will NOT read your F!@#$! Script! I will NOT write your F!@#$% recommendation, paper, letter, give my opinion, take your photo, photoshop your picture, come to your event, write about that event,  blog for you etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. ” Whew…

I’m just tellin’ it like it T-I-Tiiz!

Baby DADDY Drama!!! Is Erykah Badu Exempt from Criticism?

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Erykah\'s 3rd baby daddy?

Erykah's 3rd baby daddy?

Erykah Badu’s fans have been hitting her hard with criticism b/c she has not been wed and has a third “Baby Daddy” and he’s THE THIRD rapper that she has chosen to have children with. Erykah responded to the matter by holding her own and quite definitively on ‘Okayplayer’ ending her tyrade with “kiss my placenta.” Although her reply is a testament to her skills as an entertainer, I don’t think Ms. Badu is exempt from all reproach. Essentially, Erica is a Baby Mama for the third time!!!

BEWARE THIS IS A LONG ONE!

FIRST, My Soap Box: I CAN NOT STAND A CELEBRITY THAT WHINES ABOUT BEING A CELEBRITY!!!!

One of the things I’ve been saying for so long about celebrities in general is what E. HUNTER said “I have no sympathy for those who seek the spotlight, but quickly get upset when that spotlight starts to burn.” Celebrities know average folk want to know about their larger than life lifestyles!!! IT’S HOW THEY MAKE THEIR MONEY!! If we aren’t interested in them they don’t get paid. This means any and ALL mistakes are subject to scrutiny. Does that make it right? Not really. But don’t whine about the good and the bad that comes with the job description.

OK BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING ….ERYKAH!–

I went to school with Erica and acted in a play or two with her and tended to shy away from her friendship b/c of her CHOICES!!! If I had known she was going to blow up maybe…. Lol! Don’t get me wrong…I love Erykah’s music! I love Erykah’s style! I love Erykah’s feminism! But, I would take pause before I emulate her lifestyle choices.

Role modeling: Unfortunately, in the black community celebrities are all that many young people have to look up to. Only 12% of this country’s 250 million people, the lack of role models and failing role models have more of an impact on the African American community than any other. 70% of fathers ARE NOT IN BLACK HOMES! What % of these fathers are NOT PARTICIPATING IN THE LIVES OF THEIR CHILDREN period?? How many of these children had parents with the same M.O.? Think of the implications. No reference point for creating relationships, maintaining relationships OR the non-fairytale reality of relationships. Relationships are HARD WORK and take 2 committed people. It’s like taking a highly skilled job and not having any training. He/she is fine, they are a dime piece, he can hoop, she can do the splits etc., he’s got a job, she’s a 36-24-36…are not qualifications for long-lasting relationships. Yet we jump into them without thinking everyday.

My vantage point: I was born out of wed-lock to a 20 year-old mother 1 of 9 (with confused father issues) and an unknown father who was in the Air Force. To this day, I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM HIM!!! I was fortunate or unfortunate (long story) enough to have a stepfather! I MYSELF AM NO SAINT! I had my son at 17…out of wed lock! My promise to him?… I would make sure he never felt like he was in a single-parent home!!

Never make a promise you can’t keep.

My son’s father died at 7 and the pressure was on to keep this promise. When there are father and son events–I can’t substitute for his father’s absence. In fact, I feel for him when father’s day rolls around every year to remind him of his loss. The fact that he can’t wake up in the morning and eat breakfast with his father or talk to him before he goes to sleep at night pains me. What about those fatherly conversations that he overhears or those that will never comes his way. I’ve always wondered how he felt. Yet, He has never complained or shown hurt. He’s more resilient than I ever knew. When John Q came out I knew there would be no other to champion my own child outside of myself. When it’s time to talk condoms and ladies, I try. But…again. He’s 19 years old now, I can’t seem to motivate him the way I know his father or another male could. I worry about his ability to create healthy relationships b/c of the choices I made. It really wasn’t fair to him.

So as you can see. I really don’t care about Erykah, I am concerned with the impact on the children. If the fathers are totally involved, Kudos to them. Hopefully, they have established a balance that works. Erykah HAPPENS to be one of the lucky ones where money isn’t an issue. Although important, MONEY is not the ONLY concern. When you have NO money issues you tend to be able to focus on other things such as your children’s well-being. Maybe they are showing how 2 parents can communicate effectively w/o being in live-in relationships. Ultimately, whether you and I like it or not…they are again living the life that 70% of us live and we are trying to rid our communities of…w/o seeing positive 2-parent home relationships.

Soap Box Time AGAIN: Just like OJ! I didn’t feel a particular connection with him b/c he’s black b/c I don’t KNOW him. I didn’t win a thing when he won his case. I was pleased to know that he didn’t get convicted just b/c he was black! In the same way, I don’t have any connection with Erykah. She doesn’t represent me unless I want her to.

PEOPLE: If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything!! It’s ok to have an opinion. It’s even o.k. to voice that opinion.

Currently, I’m a single woman who still hasn’t come across her prince charming (I’m not looking either). I can certainly understand or relate to Erykah’s place in life. I can respect her as a woman, mother, artist, and feminist. However, I would NOT have another child without having a two parent home.

That’s just ME TELLIN’ IT LIKE IT T-I-TIZ!!!.